Stop the Hate, Rudd-Segel edition

Read about more world hate here:

Remember "I Love You, Man"?

Who am I kidding. Of course you do... Paul Rudd AND Jason Segel?

AND Andy Samberg?

Deeelish.

Well, Anwar Sadat, former president of Egypt/Nobel laureate, got mad shout out outs by looking like the dog. And his daughter is PISSED! According to the family's lawyer,

This has caused serious psychological and moral damages to the plaintiff, as President Sadat is a prominent figure in the Arab history in general and in Egyptian history in particular.

Oooh, burn.

Wait... I'm guessing that about 2% of people who saw that movie had any idea who Sadat was before seeing it. And that a bunch of people went home, Googled the man and now know more about Middle Eastern politics as a result--in this day and age, that's kind of a good thing considering there's a pseudo-war there.

And now, everyone knows that his daughter is a d-bag. Good work, loyal offspring!

Stop the Hate, Me on Celebs edition?

Oy vey.

I never thought the day would come when I uttered this particular type of hate.

In the September issue of Interview magazine, Natalie Portman, girl I LOVE (because of: Closer, Garden State, veganese, slept with Moby once?), was interviewed by Jake Gyllenhall, boy I really enjoy (because of: brother of Maggie, quite studly, Jarhead naked butt).

Normally, you're thinking, SWOON! They are friends, they don't ever get drunk and show me that they don't wear panties. They are respectable despite their celebrity.

They are in a new movie together:
Seriously, even as I write this, having read the interview, I still think they both might rule based purely on my thoughts from B.I. (before interview).

(Tobey... you're still harshing my buzz.)

But OMG was it the most pretentious interview EVER! Read it here.

If you think you might gag, let me just give you an excerpt:

GYLLENHAAL: Yeah. Looking at all these things that you’ve done and contributed to the world so far, I would have thought that the evil wizard Gargamel would’ve been something you could have very easily stepped over.

PORTMAN: Thank you for saying that, but I’m far from fearless. I’m afraid of everything. But maybe when you’re afraid of everything, it sort of seems like you’re scared of nothing.

GYLLENHAAL: Well, there’s no courage without fear, so you must have great courage because you’re afraid of everything.

PORTMAN: That sounds like something from a Batman movie: “There is no courage without fear . . . ”

GYLLENHAAL: [laughs] Yeah, but I do think that’s true.

"Oh Natalie, you are so rad." "Oh my gosh I so am! You are too though Jake."

Who cares that you like the Ying Yang Twins? So does my cousin, and he is 16, thinks he lives in the LA ghetto, and wears pants 10 sizes too big for him. And he lives in an upper-class 'hood in Calgary. Come now.

Then again, I guess I forgot she was a Harvard grad... and GQ has taught us so much about their douchery.

Tears. One for each of you... and one for me. I never thought I could hate Hollywood's leading nerd.

Sunday Movie: Inglourious Basterds

QUENTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

He just might be God.

I've always been a fan... because he's super creepy, looks a bit like he might murder me in my sleep, and is infatuated with Uma...

But he hit me good and hard this time.

Plot: straight-up Nazi killing, led by Brad Pitt and the lovely, but unknown-now, Melanie Laurent. (Schwing! And don't worry, Mike Meyers gets a random cameo). He leads a rebel military unit, she owns a cinema hosting some sort of Reich movie premiere.

End: dead Nazis all over the place.

The Goodies:
1. Tarantino has the most amazing vision. The effects are out of control. Blood is everywhere--way more graphic than ever in real life, but totally amazing. The final two scenes will actually blow your mind. Literally. Figuratively. (Watch and you'll see what I mean... clever me!)
2. Diane Kruger as a bombshell German movie star-cum-spy, who dies in a Cinderella-like, albeit Tarantino-fied, way. (Seriously, the movie was so good that I can't give up the details)
3. Clearly, Brad has had no face work... thank goodness. He's still a dreamboat.
4. BJ Novak, from the office, and the guy who plays Neil in Freaks and Geeks as Basterds. I Die, Rachel-Zoe-style.

The Bummers:
1. WHO THE F**K leaves a theater in the middle of a movie these days? HONESTLY. I guess the world has to have a certain number of imbeciles, right?
2. Seeing the movie with non-Jews who are weird about your excitement over Nazi killing. Come now, let me have my fun.

Seriously, the movie was amazing. I had the GREATEST smoke after... like after sex, but with much more violence than normal. A must-see for everyone.

**If your significant other refuses to see this movie, you should probably think about a new partner. Just sayin'.

The trailer, for your (my) viewing pleasure.

Losing My Religion, Office edition

In case you were wondering, I do believe in love.

Difficult to find, rare to see, but when two people get together and sparks fly, you can't help but be mushy for them.

Even if half of the pair is perhaps the most delicious man on NBC.

JustJared.com reports that our man, John Krasinski, is going to be off the market (on TV and for reals) in mere months... we knew it would happen, because they are so friggin' attractive together, in a "we-love-each-other-but-aren't-gross" way.

I suppose congratulations are in order, but really I'm just sad. First, he gives up on the beard, then we lose him to the Dark Side (European ladies). What's next Jim?

As long as he is still gainfully employed by Dunder Mifflin, I think I'll survive.

Living the Dream

**Apologies for not posting a Sunday movie review--long weekends are not for movies, they are for working on your tan for the last time before snowfall.

But back to where I was going:

One of the good parts of being a soloist amongst a sea of duets is that I'm pretty sure I have way more sex.

One recently-married friend had me over a few weeks ago and over the course of the afternoon made two jokes:

"It's not like we have sex that often--once every 5 months! Just kidding"

and

"Since we got married we've been doing in at least twice a day--haha!"

Now, I'm a big fan of cleverness (Hermione? Yeah), but I have a hard time tolerating jokes about real sex (not to be confused with hilarious stories, boner jokes, etc.). The former comment is just offensive given that her husband is GORgeous, and the latter is insulting because its not true and now I have impure thoughts about said husband (HEY--clearly I would never act on it. Although I should mention that he has an equally-delectable brother).

Naturally, I was thus a bit put off by her weird sex jokes. She was pretty strict about not having sex until marriage, so I get that it's new-joke territory...

But I think I might need to institute an "appropriate-now-that-you're-doing-it" joke rule. It's uncomfortable from all angles.

I also think that a majority of these problems could have been avoided with some pre-marriage self-love. You know what I mean...

Stop the Hate, Healthcare and hot Prez edition

Now, this blog is about being single and fab (is it? Who knows) but sometimes I read things that upset me.

As if Whole Foods wasn't pretentious enough... their CEO made a terribly rash marketing (?) statement by hating on my boy, Barack, and his health care reform.

Read about it here, from Dame Arianna "Skillz" Huffington.

Peut etre John Mackey should be hiring a publicist and writing some cheques to hide behind now. Also, should be mixing himself a BIG drink... everyone knows a stiff cocktail makes even the worst scandals seem less scandalous.

But stay away from the phone! No one likes an Obama-hate drunk dial.

**Here's a photo of this mustached maverick (hat tip to Tina Fey for taking back the word):

The Freshmen

Yes, you're thinking, that IS a good song from the 90s.

Also, the most attractive age in a man's life. Remember that commercial where there's a 30-ish woman running on a beach with her arms open?

"A woman's sexual peak is at age 30"

And then the teenage-mutant-ninja-boy running towards her?

"But a male's sexual peak is at age 18"

And then they didn't run into each other??

Well, in my life they are running into me everywhere!

Some clarification: I haven't told you this, but I work for the admissions office of a small liberal arts school. Great job: pays well, slow summers, free gym membership and parking. But my all time favorite part of the job: September freshmen.

I know, I'm sounding like a bit of a cougar here, but everything good happens in this blessed month. Hot young things strut around campus in board shorts and tees, flaunting their summer tans ("painting houses", "landscaping", "lifeguarding"... ahhhh). They come to the gym, get all sweaty pumping iron. (Incidentally, I am in the best shape of my life by September 30). They come to my office confused about adding and dropping courses. I wear my Tina Fey sexy-librarian glasses and help them out.

Come October, these hot studs turn into one of three students:
1. The stoner: only comes to see me in order to drop a class that he hasn't attended since the second day of school. Tear, he is now a lost cause in 90% of cases. On the other hand, at least they are okay with your smoking.
2. The athlete: after just 4 short weeks of varsity football/soccer/rugby/swimming, this guy is already 15 lbs more man; sadly, he also has lost at least 15% of his mental capacity and must drop a science course/switch to geography/ask if he can do a co-op term working at the gym.
3. The socially inept nerd: these guys don't even come to see me. They just send poorly-spelled e-mails regarding the new club they have started/class they think should be offered/prof who failed them on a midterm. VETO.

But in September, they are at the karaoke bars, kissing with reckless abandon, playing frisbee all afternoon.

I'm off to catch me a minor! Enjoy the month, college enthusiasts!


**on a related note, check out the GQ special feature on douches (the kind of college guy, not the hygiene product)