The Freshmen

Yes, you're thinking, that IS a good song from the 90s.

Also, the most attractive age in a man's life. Remember that commercial where there's a 30-ish woman running on a beach with her arms open?

"A woman's sexual peak is at age 30"

And then the teenage-mutant-ninja-boy running towards her?

"But a male's sexual peak is at age 18"

And then they didn't run into each other??

Well, in my life they are running into me everywhere!

Some clarification: I haven't told you this, but I work for the admissions office of a small liberal arts school. Great job: pays well, slow summers, free gym membership and parking. But my all time favorite part of the job: September freshmen.

I know, I'm sounding like a bit of a cougar here, but everything good happens in this blessed month. Hot young things strut around campus in board shorts and tees, flaunting their summer tans ("painting houses", "landscaping", "lifeguarding"... ahhhh). They come to the gym, get all sweaty pumping iron. (Incidentally, I am in the best shape of my life by September 30). They come to my office confused about adding and dropping courses. I wear my Tina Fey sexy-librarian glasses and help them out.

Come October, these hot studs turn into one of three students:
1. The stoner: only comes to see me in order to drop a class that he hasn't attended since the second day of school. Tear, he is now a lost cause in 90% of cases. On the other hand, at least they are okay with your smoking.
2. The athlete: after just 4 short weeks of varsity football/soccer/rugby/swimming, this guy is already 15 lbs more man; sadly, he also has lost at least 15% of his mental capacity and must drop a science course/switch to geography/ask if he can do a co-op term working at the gym.
3. The socially inept nerd: these guys don't even come to see me. They just send poorly-spelled e-mails regarding the new club they have started/class they think should be offered/prof who failed them on a midterm. VETO.

But in September, they are at the karaoke bars, kissing with reckless abandon, playing frisbee all afternoon.

I'm off to catch me a minor! Enjoy the month, college enthusiasts!


**on a related note, check out the GQ special feature on douches (the kind of college guy, not the hygiene product)